Thank Crunchie its Friday

I’ve just been listening to someone in the next team from me talking about what he got for his birthday. One of the things was Gordon Ramsay’s book which his wife got signed by him at a book signing in Sainsburys. It says “Happy Fuc*ing Birthday David, From Gordon Ramsay” - that made me smile.

Gap Year

I was talking to my friend via email about my son’s upcoming Gap Year.

He says “I wish I could have a gap year.  My only chance of having a gap year would be to go and work in gap for a year.”

 

HA HA HA

Why I don't like cats

One of many reasons actually -

I quote:
"Salmonella bacteria is more common in the faeces of cats fed raw meat or those that catch wild birds. Infection follows a faecal-oral route (you clean the litter tray and scratch your lip without first washing your hands).
It may be cute, but cats should not be allowed on food preparation or serving areas!

Pet owners are often extremely indulgent of their pets. If you do allow your cat on or around food preparation areas, you should be aware of the risks.

Note: The food shown was discarded and the surface cleaned, in addition Irene has lived and worked with cats for long enough to have built up an immunity to most of the minor infections he might be carrying."


And also:
"It is not recommended that you share your ice cream with your cat - her mouth may contain viruses and bacteria. That tongue may have been licking her bottom shortly before licking your ice cream."

Dirty,Filthy B____ards

I’ve just been in the toilets at work – trap 3 if you’re interested. While I was in there, four people came in for a number 1. Out of those, three of them didn’t wash their hands.

Winter's come early

Looks like I’ve got a rough journey home tonight – ice on the M3. Either that or the council are preparing for winter early –

Lost

I watched the final two episodes of Lost - series two the other night.

The next day at work, people were going over what happened. The major event was the discovery that if "the button" wasn't pressed every 108 minutes, then a massive magnetic field would build up. One of the characters said that he caused the plane to crash because he didn't press "the button" in time.
The people at work said that the plane was therefore attracted to the island by the magnetic field.

HOLD ON A MINUTE.

What are planes made of ??? Aluminium.

Explanations on a postcard please .....

Sods law.

You go into the toilets at work. You think you have left it late enough in the afternoon so that the cleaner has been and gone. Out of the 3 cubicles, two have their lids closed. You choose one of those thinking the lid is down because its just been cleaned.

How wrong you were. You lift the lid to find the biggest, smelliest floater you’ve ever seen :<>

Interesting lunchtime.

1) I went out to my car (needed to go into town). As I approached the car, I noticed a large scratch on the bumper. “Damn”, thought I. “I don’t remember that being there”. So I am standing there pressing my remote key fob to unlock the car – nothing happens. I am just about to put the key in the lock when I see my car parked two spaces further away. Whoops…

2) I am walking into a shop in town, when this rather large lady trips over a bump in the pavement. It was like watching it in slow motion as she stumbles forward, but being fat, she was unable to correct her footing and falls forwards, hitting the floor. I check that she was OK and gave her a hand to stand up again. She said that she was OK, but had hurt her pride. I commented on her being lucky that she didn’t bang her head. Then I noticed that she had an enormous bosom – built-in airbags !!!